Random Humor 4

We had a "visit" here in my house earlier this weekend from someevangelist missionaries. Not that I have anything against evangelists, but Ithink prosteltyzers rank up there with Direct Sales over the phone, thePsychic friends network, and, door-to-door, are not nearly as cute asGirl Scouts (plus, they don't have cookies).
The players:
Me, Tristan Clair de Lune, the extremely handsome, talented and witty Rialto junkie Rachyl, my girlfriend, also a Rialto reader.
Keith, (or, Phil-in-the-Blank Clair de Lune) a 6'6", 280-pound stick jock (and my brother)
My "other brother," William, a collegiate fencer, busy cooking up a Chinese banquet for my parents who were coming.

Scene: Tristan is nibbling on Rachyl's ear, washing dishes for dinner,or playing with his armor [recollections vary].

William: B! Could you come here?
Me: What is it?
William: Just come here!
Me: OK (puts down the hamster)Ken walks down the hall to see his brother and girlfriend conversing withtwo Nordic-looking, clean-cut gimp-types with name tags.
Gimp #1: Hello! My name is Todd, and I'm from the Mormon Church of Latter-Day saints.
Me: How special for you.
Gimp #2: Have you heard about the Mormons?
Me: Yes, I have. Sometime in the 19th century, some guy thought he was a prophet, went insane, moved out to Salt Lake City, got into trouble witha lot of seagulls, and, hey, y'know Roseanne Barr is from out there?
Gimp #1: So, you've heard of us?
Me (washing dishes): Yes, but we already have a religion, thank you very much. We're Jewish.
Rachyl: We rather like it...
Me: But should it ever break down, we'll be sure to call you.[Rachyl and Keith collapse laughing]Me: That reminds me... Rachyl... isn't it time to light Shabbos candles?
Rachyl: Yeah...
Me: Excuse me for a minute...[Rachyl and Keith continue to talk to the Mormons]
Me (picking up a very large sword from my bedroom wall and shouting down thehall):
RACHYL! IS IT TIME TO SACRIFICE THE GOAT YET?!?!?!?!?!?!
Rachyl: No, you have to wait until the moon comes out!

[Gimp #1 looks at Gimp #2. William continues to chop up the tofu]
Gimp #1: Excuse us. We must be going.
[Switch camera. Tristan is rooting through his closet]Gimp #2: Thankyouverymuchforyourtime...
[The Wonder Gimps turn to leave. Quickly].
Me (running from the bedroom in his black cloak, waving a large sword): CHRISTIAN BLOOD! WE NEED CHRISTIAN BLOOD!!!!
[Switch to: Benny-Hill-esque shot of Mormons running away down the drivewayof House of No X, AKA House Four Down From Ogami].
Me: Damn. We lose more Mormons that way.